Kiss me, I'm Irish!
by Zokusho
Summary: A very little, silly one-shot for St. Patrick's Day.


**Kiss me, I'm Irish!**

A very little (and very silly) one-shot for St. Patrick's day. Kagami and Konata as they are today. Rated T for some language and some yuri.

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Kagami sighed deeply. Another day with still no any romance in her life. Twenty-six years old. Is that hopeless already? And there was this epigram stuck into her head: _"Two times ten and still unwed, there's yet hope for a bright tomorrow. Three times eight and alone in bed, there's nothing ahead but cold and sorrow!"_

Her older sisters were already married. Thankfully not Tsukasa – yet. That would have been even more embarrassing.

Not that she was lonely, no. She had plenty of friends both at work and at leisure. Thankfully, today was for the latter. She was about to meet her friend. Her best friend, in fact, all the way from High School. Konata Izumi. One of the most annoying people Kagami knew. But she was used to her. And at least she doesn't have a boyfriend either.

Or does she? Kagami realized they haven't talked about such things for a long time. Maybe Konata was seeing someone. She ought to; Konata was even older than Kagami. Just over a month older, but anyway.

And she was late, as usual. Maybe she does that on purpose? Just to get scolded by me, Kagami thought. Like I always still do. She probably enjoys it.

"Yahoo, Kagamin! Look who I bumped into!"

Konata was shouting at her at a distance, making people turn around and look. Kagami felt the familiar flush on her cheeks and knew she was about to blush. _"Damn, she still manages to embarrasses me!"_ she groaned in her mind.

She tried to shake it off and turned around. Konata still looked so young. And she hadn't grown much at all. Not physically, and probably not mentally either. She had graduated college, at least, and worked as a freelance writer of some sort. Kagami herself was a trainee at a law firm.

Also, Konata was as cute as ever. She was wearing a short skirt and long socks, showing the exact amount of bare thigh Kagami liked the best. Of course she would know that.

But now there was another person following Konata. A very tall woman, with round, Western, blue eyes and light orange hair. Wearing blue jeans and a leather jacket. Many people seemed to turn to stare at her. She looked very familiar –

"Martin-san!" Kagami gasped.

"Boo, just call me Patty-chan like everyone!" Patricia Martin replied.

Kagami moved backwards because she was afraid Patricia would hug her, like those Americans do when they greet each other. But Patty-chan didn't, she only invaded just slightly too much of the 2-meters of personal space in diameter Kagami liked to have around herself, before bowing.

"Patty-chan works in television!" Konata announced.

While Kagami didn't have much time or interest in television, she knew that already. Patricia had acted in many soap operas and variety shows, often as "an American". Well, she was American, though permanently settled in Japan and speaking the language perfectly.

"I know that. And Konata, you are late again."

Konata ignored Kagami and pointed at Patricia's chest excitedly. "Look! It's Saint Patrick's Day!"

"What Saint Patricia Day?" Kagami asked, turning to look.

"You know, the one with haggis, leprechauns, and whisky and stuff," Patricia explained, which didn't quite explain anything to Kagami. "Did you know I have Irish roots?"

Patricia was wearing a green T-shirt under her jacket. First thing Kagami noticed was Patricia's big breasts. Of which she was envious of. Also, there was a trefoil leaf silhouette, as well as something written on the shirt with white letters. Romaji? English? "Kiss me … I'm Irish?" Kagami read.

"That's right!" Konata chirped, jumped to Patricia's neck and kissed the taller woman. On the lips.

Kagami turned all cold inside and all color drained off of her face. For several seconds, she only stared at them with her mouth open, unable to say or do anything.

Konata slid back onto the ground – Patricia was so tall that she had to lift herself up to reach her – and took a puzzled look at Kagami. "Eh? What's wrong?" she asked innocently.

"W-w-wh …" Kagami huffed, trying not to hyperventilate.

"Are you okay?" Konata asked. Patricia looked as puzzled as Konata.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" Kagami finally managed to gasp.

By Konata's and Patricia's expressions, neither did seem to realize anything wrong with _whatever the fuck_ they were doing.

"What do you mean?" Patricia asked, looking worried. She even looked behind herself, just in case Kagami was referring to someone else.

Kagami turned around and ran away, fearing she would start bawling, or smashing Konata's face in or something. "Whoa!" Konata yelped and ran after her.

"Oh!" Patricia gasped. "Goodbye! See you around," she said, watching Kagami and Konata disappeared into the crowd. "At least I got a kiss…"

Kagami darted around and past the crowd, and turned two corners, to make sure she wasn't being followed. Then, she entered the first place that spelled '_kissaten_' on the signboard.

"Welco-" a waitress started, but Kagami rushed past her and quickly sat down at an empty table in a corner, furthest away from the windows. "A … whatever. Coffee. Black," Kagami said, without even looking at the waiter or waitress who had followed her. Something really bitter felt perfect for this moment.

"Oh. Thank you, mistress. Coming right up," the waiter-person said. Kagami didn't quite register what she or he was saying, except that it had been an affirmation. Her mind was too occupied –with violent thoughts towards a certain blue-haired person who had used to be her friend.

_"Why do I care, anyway?"_ Kagami asked herself. _"She's free to stick that cute, pink and soft tongue into anyone's filthy mouth if she wants to. As long as I don't have to acquaintance myself with that kind of a person."_

Kagami tried to think of anything else than the traitor who she used to know. _"And I've got plenty of other friends! Like, … like, Tsukasa. No, she doesn't count. Misao and Ayano? I do see them … once or twice a year."_

The bell at the door rang, indicating someone else entering the café. Kagami took a peek and saw it was Konata, breathing heavily, and her blue hair in disarray after running after Kagami.

_"Damn. So she found me,"_ Kagami groaned silently. _"I'll just ignore her. She is … a total stranger. I don't know her."_

The waitress brought her the coffee, giving Kagami something else than Judas Iscariot, formerly known as Konata Izumi, to concentrate upon. Right now, stirring this cup of black coffee, with no sugar, was much more important than the betrayer!

Yet, Kagami could _feel_ Konata standing on the other side of the table. It was hard to not acknowledge her presence, but she tried.

"Sorry, Kagamin. I actually did it on purpose … well, somewhat on purpose. Not really seriously!" Konata explained.

Kagami couldn't keep her cool, she looked up, and threw daggers at Konata with her eyes. Konata was afraid she would breathe fire next.

"I wanted to see how you react…"

Kagami decided to ignore the little pest again. She sipped her coffee and waited for her ex-friend just to go away. It didn't help that the drink was _really_ bitter. Almost as bitter as Kagami herself.

"I didn't know you cared that much!"

If Kagami had been that princess with cryokinesis powers in that recent movie, a thick wall of ice would now have appeared in between them.

"I think of you the same way!"

Kagami pretended she wasn't listening to this annoying person she didn't know. Although her heart skipped a beat for some reason and she had to set the cup back onto the table. Maybe she could call the bouncer to drag this bothersome midget away? Though this cafeteria didn't have a bouncer. It only had … maids? Only by now Kagami realized she had escaped into a maid café. This realization distracted her a bit and since she couldn't bear to look at the maids, she had to look at Konata.

"Yes, Kagamin. I like you…" Konata said quietly.

Somehow Kagami knocked her coffee over. A nearby maid panicked and started wiping the table and Kagami's legs with napkins. Kagami didn't even notice.

"I-I- …" Kagami stuttered.

A very long, and very awkward silence.

"…uh … I'm Irish?" Kagami finally gasped.

The maid screamed – she was caught in between Kagami and Konata, when the latter bounced at her over the table.

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I remembered it was Saint Patrick's Day coming up – we don't celebrate it in my country and I don't think it's widely known in Japan either, but anyway. Also there was a discussion about Konata's age at Lucky Star Shrine forums.

EDIT: I probably got their age difference wrong...

Yes, haggis has nothing to do with St. Patrick, I know :)


End file.
